What did we do last night that was yellow?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
