My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Randomize