no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Randomize
