you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize