Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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