Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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