If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
