u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
