I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize