please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
