I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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