we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
