ugly people sure do ruin things
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize