Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She bit a glass in half.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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