I think i peed on brittanys purse
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
