Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize