You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
