i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
