I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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