do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
