I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
