Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize