OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
What a dumb baby whore.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
