She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I love you.
Bad choice
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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