So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
