I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
