He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
