after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
