I showed him my bush... on skype.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
