if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
