Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
