If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just invented taco cereal.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
