Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
