just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
