Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
