worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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