i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
