Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
