I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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