You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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