CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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