If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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