You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We don't watch enough power rangers
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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