he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
