it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize