fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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