# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
