You made me cry and you don't even care
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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