I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
