youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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