Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
