So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Drunk is not a location!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
