A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
