I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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