I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We named our party play list daddy issues
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
