dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
