Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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