well I can't set my house on fire every night
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize