There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
