because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
