they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I still have a little drunk in my system
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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