We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
