through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize