MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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