if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
