So drunk its hurt
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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