We got so high we made milksteak
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
