i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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