Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize