I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
