Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
