hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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