Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
