What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
