yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
