So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
