I just threw up on my dentist
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
