I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
