We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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