I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
