So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
