how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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