____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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