Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
