I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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