it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
