I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize