I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
