I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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