I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I am one with the molecules
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
