Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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