Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
