i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
