didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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