i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
her facebook's as public as her vagina
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
