I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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