I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
