That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
