Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
