She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
