omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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